


The World According to Jason Dean

by GetOutOfMySpotlight



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-02-04 10:46:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18602956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GetOutOfMySpotlight/pseuds/GetOutOfMySpotlight
Summary: A cute, dramatic love story involving cystic fibrosis patients...Based on the movie Five Feet Apart





	1. Chapter 1 - The Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my new project that I've finally got round to doing after wanting to do it for so long! I really hope you like it! Feel free to leave comments x

When you start writing, you should start at the start, right? That’s what I’m doing. I mean, it feels so cliché to start where it started but it would also feel extremely cliché to start at the end and say something cheesy like ‘it all started at the end’. Alongside, that’s just dark and creepy, like me, but no one knows the real me so I may as well let a journal that no one will ever read know who I am.

I’m Jason Dean. I’m seventeen. My best friend’s name is Martha Dunnstock, she’s a fat patient. I don’t know how she does it but I applaud her for it because she’s amazing at it. She has cancer. I, however am not a cancer patient. I have a disease called cystic fibrosis which basically makes you cough up a whole lot of mucus. Gross, right? But this journal isn’t about my disease, it’s about me as a person.

As said before, I’m Jason Dean and I’m seventeen. Almost everyone calls me JD, though, so I’ve taken to that nickname. I’m taller than a lot of people, Martha calls me a giraffe, and I have freckles that I hate. I’ve been told (also by Martha) that it makes me look cute but I think they just look stupid. I have black hair and green eyes, much like my mother’s eyes. I’m not a very entertaining person, I’m really boring. But I may as well write my thoughts down in something so if someone does find it, I have a chance at being famous.

The people I know, however, are ten times more interesting than me. Martha, my best friend since we were practically babies, has cancer and is the nicest person you could ever meet and yet she has no other friends apart from me (ditto on my part). Karen, the lady nurse who is really nice AND she has a loving husband. She’s the best. Miley, the other nurse who helps. She used to have a crush on me then another dude asked her out and she’s engaged so good for her. My parents aren’t… that interesting but I’d rather not talk about them.

Sitting in the hospital all day and all night is really tiring. It doesn’t seem like it, but you have to find different things to entertain you everyday because you’re ‘too sick to go to school’ and ‘too sick to do sports’. Which really sucks. But I do go to the hospital gym and workout and, not to be up-myself or anything, I do have really nice abs (an eight pack) so that’s cool. I do, occasionally, go on walks though. And one walk on one particular day is where we start.

On this particular day, I had just arrived in the hospital for what was supposed to be the rest of my days. And, as I had just arrived again, I decided to greet my nurse friends and other sick friends plus Martha while going on a walk to get a bit of exercise. As I was doing this, I passed an extremely beautiful girl. I never use that word but she truly was beautiful.

Her hair was brown with blue highlights and reached her waist. Her face was so perfect, she had really cute cheekbones and dimples which made me smile. Her nose was a small button nose and her mouth was kiss-worthy. She was short, probably only reached my chest, and she was thin.

As I was admiring this girl, Miley crept up behind me and smiled.

“Her name’s Veronica,” Miley replied to my unasked question. I nodded, still looking at the girl who now has a name, Veronica. Suits her.

“What’s she in for?” I asked. Beautiful girls like that don’t just come into the hospital unless they have something wrong with them or they’re visiting a parent. But then they don’t look beautiful because they’re usually sobbing. But Veronica seemed… different. I heard Miley sigh and snapped out of my trance, looking at Miley.

“JD, she’s in because, like you, she has cystic fibrosis. As much as I would love to see you two stand together and kiss, you can’t. You have to stay six feet away from her… I’m really sorry JD…” Miley looked at me and I sighed.

“It’s okay. She probably doesn’t like me anyway.” I faked a smile and walked back to my room, feeling slightly let down. Of course, the first time I like a girl, they just happen to be a cystic fibrosis patient. That genuinely sucks.

I looked out of my window and looked at the rain fall. There were days when it just annoyed me but today was one of the days it calmed me. I watched it race down my window and pressed my finger to the window, wishing I could be a raindrop. It would be a fast and easy death but even then, I wouldn’t technically die… I’d get to go on a journey. A bigger one than I can at the moment. I’d be free of this sickness and I’d get to live a life, even if it were only for a couple of seconds.

But of course, as Martha says, dreams have to end unless you want to kill yourself. And I don’t. So that’s another one of the dreams I’ll have to put on the side. Maybe one can come true.

And maybe it’ll involve Veronica Sawyer.


	2. Chapter 2 - Meeting Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going on camp this week so there will be two (or three - idk yet so don't get your hopes up but there definitely will be two) chapters out today. I'll be back on Friday arvo but the next chapter won't be released until Saturday so I hope y'all have a great week and enjoy this chapter and the next chapter until I return!

I didn’t mean to meet her. I honestly didn’t want to because I didn’t want to fall even more in love than I already was with her. She was beautiful. And I didn’t want to kill her because sharing our germs would kill one of us and I wasn’t going to let that be her. But I met her and I couldn’t stop falling in love with her.

It happened when I was getting lunch. I thanked the lady in the hospital cafeteria and sat down, eating it. I watched people walk past half-heartedly, not really caring. None of them looked pretty enough to flirt with but, then again, I’m not exactly a celebrity so girls don’t just come swooning and talking to me like I’m the hottest guy on the planet. But I have had my fair share of girls.

As I watched, I saw the beautiful Veronica Sawyer walk out of her room. So I wouldn’t bring attention to myself, I immediately looked down at my book, occasionally peeking up at her, but mostly looking down at my book. I saw Miley talk to Veronica then walk away. Then Veronica looked at me. And started walking. Right. Toward. Me.

I pretended not to notice but I had to when she sat across from me and started to talk.

“Hey! I’m Veronica Sawyer, cystic fibrosis patient. I’ve been told you have cystic fibrosis as well, hence why I’m six feet apart from you. But I don’t know your name.” Ugh! Her voice was just as pretty as her face. But I wasn’t going to flirt so I put my book down and smiled politely at her, meeting her eyes (which were the most beautiful shade of hazel by the way) and introduced myself.

“Jason Dean, also a cystic fibrosis patient, as you already know apparently. My best friend is a girl named Martha who has cancer but I’m not allowed to hug because they don’t want her getting any sicker though the consequences aren’t as… extreme as ours. Pleasure to meet you, Veronica.” I smiled more casually this time and she smiled softly back. I just admired her smile for a second, happy I could make her smile, then looked down at my food. Okay, I am a little shy, but some girls like that.

“Well, I should get back to my room. My parents are there. It really was nice to meet you, Jason, and I’d shake your hand but… we can’t.” She smiled a little more sadly this time, but it seemed as if she was trying to hide it. I nodded and she started to walk away and I quickly stood up.

“Hey, uh, Veronica?” I yelled to get her to stop. Mission success. She turned and looked at me. “You can call me JD.” She nodded and smiled sweetly, doing a cute little wave, before running back to her room. “Crap. Crap crap crap crap. Crap!”

I ran to Martha’s room and knocked on the door loudly before backing away. She opened the door.

“Jesus, JD. Are you okay? You look pale.” She looked at me and I ran my fingers through my hair, panicking.

“Martha, I’m in love!” She started to laugh. “It’s not funny!”

“It is, JD! It’s cute!” she giggled. I growled.

“Martha, it isn’t. you know why? Because she has cystic fibrosis!” I glared at her. She immediately stopped laughing and stared at me.

“Shit, JD, she must be pretty.” Martha had a really sympathetic look and I nodded, tearing up.

“She’s really beautiful, Martha, and I can’t be with her…” I started to cry. I know, not the toughest thing to do, but I really did love Veronica. If we weren’t sick, I would’ve asked her out, but I couldn’t. she was the most beautiful girl in the world and I couldn’t. Why? Because we had the same fricking disease. Martha was watching me cry sympathetically.

“Oh honey… I’m really sorry, JD, that really does suck.” She sighed and leant against her door, still watching me, trying to think. After a minute, she brightened up. “I have an idea!”

I looked at her solemnly, no longer crying, but still sad. “What is it…?”

“Movie night! Invite her. We can learn stuff about her.” Martha smiled and I looked even more solemn, probably.

“Martha, that’s not a good idea. I’ll fall even more in love…” I sighed. Martha pity-smiled at me.

“Sometimes you have to live with things like this, JD. Sometimes you have to stay love friend-zoned.” I nodded and sighed.

“Alright. See you at seven?”

“Until then.”

So, at 7pm that night, Veronica and I met again. And Martha got to meet Veronica. It was really nice. They seemed to like each other, as friends, and we all sat down.

“So… are you two dating?” Veronica asked us. Martha smiled and I shook my head.

“No! No, Martha’s gay and we wouldn’t be able to anyway because we could also share our germs except, she wouldn’t die, she would just get sicker.” Veronica nods and tucks her hair behind her ear, looking back at the movie. I really wanted to kiss her but I somehow managed to push those thoughts away and look at the movie as well. I wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Not yet…

After an hour, the movie ended and we all decided to go to bed. It was really hard not to hug and kiss Veronica when she left. I turned to Martha.

“Martha, I’m deeply in love… I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to accidentally do something to her.” I stared at Martha and she smiled. I could tell by the look she was giving me that she was coming up with one of her master plans.

“I’ll see you at 12pm sharp in the cafeteria.” She winked and walked away. I sighed and went back to my room.

Whatever Martha was planning, it had to be good.


	3. Chapter 3 - Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heehee

I sat in my bed and did what I do best: I wrote. I wrote about my day. I started writing this journal. I just wrote everything I was thinking, everything I was feeling, everything about Veronica, everything about everything. I spilt everything I knew onto the pages and just stared at it all. I sighed and started to write this into a proper journal, the one you are currently reading, and then ripped out the spare pages that I’d written on.

Sitting in my bed, for the first time in a while I felt… alone. And I wanted company. But not just any company. I wanted a girlfriend. Someone who would support me and kiss me goodbye when I’d go into surgery and kiss me hello once I got out. Who will be there when I fell asleep and be there when I woke from the surgery. Who wouldn’t care about what minor defect I have, they will love me the way I am. I’m getting new lungs soon so that’s something to look forward to… but we don’t know when. When they get them, I guess.

I looked at the wall and contemplated this for some time… which wasn’t a good idea because my mind kept wandering back to Veronica, as if it was saying ‘JD you know you love her’. And if it was, it was 100% right. I really do love Veronica Sawyer.

What do I love about her, you ask? Her beautiful hazel eyes, they’re the perfect shade. Her soft, silky, curly brown hair that I really want to run my fingers through. Her skin which looks so soft and perfect. Her cute little nose and few freckles that are on different bits of her face. Her lips that were so kiss-worthy… I could go on.

So, as I contemplated these ideas, I realised more and more that I couldn’t keep this a secret. So, me being me, I wrote her a letter with my Skype number at the bottom. The letter read:

_Dear the beautiful Veronica Sawyer,  
I do realise this is creepy and I realise how different this is and I also realise the consequences of this. But you can’t be guaranteed death if I write you a letter so that is the decision I have made for this situation.  
I seem to be in a bit of a crisis, beautiful Veronica, and the crisis has to do with you. Before you freak out, it’s not a bad crisis it’s just… hard to get around. You see, Veronica, I seem to have fallen in love with you.  
You are the most beautiful, down-to-earth girl I have ever met but we aren’t even allowed to touch which, if you ask me, sucks.   
I know it may hurt to receive this letter and read it but I think it’s better to tell people these things so you can at least know if the feeling’s neutral or not. And that’s what I want as a reply to this letter (if you write one, of course, you don’t have to).  
Anyway, thank you for reading this letter and I hope I didn’t waste your time in this crappy hospital. I hope to see you soon.  
~Jason Dean (JD)_

I put this letter under her door and went back to my room, staring at the roof. I then realised how formal the letter was and groaned. What if she didn’t like it? What if she didn’t feel the same? What if I never saw her again? Oh God, oh God… I was freaking out a lot.

Less than an hour later, I got a reply to my letter. And, of course, I read it. It was the reply to my letter.

_Dear JD,  
Aw! That was a really sweet letter! I know that you’re probably worrying in your room right now about how I feel but, if I’m being honest, I think I love you too. You seem really nice and are quite hot, if I can even say that.  
I really do wish we could kiss but, alas, we cannot. (yes, I am trying to imitate your writing style- it was cute). I really do love you and I have come up with a possible solution to our problem; letter-writing.  
We could write letters about each other and talk like this as well as hang out in public so we can see each other. I really wish we could date properly but I guess it’s more fun because we have different kinds of dates.  
I hope you like my idea and we can try it together. If that doesn’t work, we may just have to break the rules ( 😉 ).  
I hope you’re okay and I wish your lungs the best. I also wish people didn’t write cheesy get-well letters like that.  
I love you, beautiful JD (men can be beautiful as well!).  
Lots of my unconditional love,  
-Veronica Sawyer._

I grinned at the letter. Yes, I was going to date her as the suggested way. And her imitation of my letter was absolutely adorable, I really want to kiss the letter (okay fine- I did kiss the letter). 

I got up and then I started to tidy my desk because I’m going to use it a lot more than I thought I would. If you thought the story had already started, you’re wrong. THIS is where the story starts.


	4. Chapter 4 - Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hhhh  
> a first date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED!!! I'VE BEEN BUSY!!!  
> Excuses:  
> I had camp and I was genuinely in pain and tired so I slept most of the weekend and then I had school. I've been really depressed. Then I had a huge fight with this girl and cried the majority of a day and that made me sad and now I'm just really sad. But I'm here and I finally wrote this chapter! Sorry it isn't very long, I'm not too good at writing but you guys are so nice to keep supporting me! I love y'all so much!!!  
> I hope you like the chapter and have a great day. I won't promise anything but I'll try to make the next chapter as good as possible  
> Keep being amazing  
> -Heather xoxo

After a couple of days, Veronica and I decided to put our plan into motion. We decided to meet in the big waiting room at about 9pm and start our date there. Martha was the one who helped me plan.

“JD, stop stressing, I’m a girl. I know what she would like on a perfect date.” Martha tried to comfort me while I was trying to think of ideas while doing my medication. I sighed, coughed a little again, and then looked at her.

“Yeah, but will she realise what I mean or will she just think I’ve left her?” I asked, watching Martha. This question forced another sigh out of her and she just looked at me for a full minute before breaking the silence.

“You are adorable when you’re in love. JD, it’s gonna be fine.” Martha smiled at me and I nodded.

“Okay. Thanks for helping me set this up, Martha.” She nodded politely.

“I’ll go get your date.” She then walked off and I sat down, playing with the present. I was really excited but nervous for the date. This would be my first date. I’ve never been kissed but Veronica can’t give me that so I will just have to wait.

I waited for about an hour before I checked the time. It was 9pm. The first day I met her, I went to sleep at this time thinking about her so this time meant a lot to me. But I wasn’t going to ruin her treasure hunt. So, I’d send her a clue.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Photo (Opened)  
Here’s a clue- it’s where we first met! 😊_

_On my way to my last stop. Dork._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I smiled at her text and stood up, holding the balloon patiently, waiting for her. Even though this wasn’t really a date, I’d still make it the best one. I’d heard that maybe this was the first date she’d been on (thanks Martha). 

When she arrived to me, I was breath-taken. Her hair was tied into a beautiful ponytail and she was wearing a short black dress. She was genuinely the most beautiful girl I had ever met. I literally had to physically restrain myself from kissing her. 

As she walked over and sat across from me, she smiled her beautiful smile and that’s when I realised: she wasn’t wearing any makeup. Only blue eyeshadow. That made me fall in love even more. She really was beautiful. 

"So, why’d you bring me here?” Her question snapped me out of my thoughts and I grinned at her. 

“It’s where we first met. I thought you’d like it.” I smiled. She smiled back. There was darkness all around us but she didn’t know what I had planned next. 

“So, if we can’t touch or kiss, what are we planning to do on this date?” she asked, causing me to start grinning again. 

“Glad you asked.” As soon as I finished my sentence, I pressed a button and the whole cafeteria lit up with beautiful lights and it looked as if we were in a galaxy. Veronica gasped a little and looked around. I had some nurses help me but it was all my idea. And I used MY money to make it like this. 

Veronica looked back at me and sighed longingly. “If only I could kiss you right now… I so would if I could.” 

I nodded and watched her. 

“There are some things in life that just have to be…” I replied, looking into her eyes. She nodded. 

The rest of the night was spent chatting and laughing. She’s a really funny person. She made me smile. That was the best night of my life. 

I blew her a kiss before we went to bed and she blew me one back. I watched her walk into her room before looking for Martha. I looked into her room and Martha’s eyes were closed and she was at her desk. She looked so peaceful, asleep. I smiled and walked back to my room. 

The harsh truth is, I didn’t know anything was wrong. 


	5. Chapter 5 - Tomorrow Never Came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the dreaded chapter  
> get your tissues  
> and don't listen to any sad songs while reading this

I woke up the next morning and watched nurses rush past. I sighed softly and sat up. I then noticed the urgency and realised someone must’ve died. I got up and washed my face, doing my daily get-up routing (including meds) and walked out of my room. I immediately was forced against the wall as Martha’s nurse, Beth, ran at full speed. I watched Beth and ran after her, wondering what was wrong. I immediately realised the commotion was going towards Martha’s room and ran even faster, needing to see Martha.

I saw Veronica poke her head out, clearly noticing the commotion as well, but ignored her and kept running. I reached Martha’s room. Where Martha was “sleeping” the night before, she was there but it turned out, when I saw her, she must have not been breathing because here she was now, pale, cold and dead. I teared up a little and watched the nurses, starting to cry a bit before a nurse forced me away.

I thrashed and pushed against them, trying to get back to my best friend, but the nurse kept pushing me back towards my room. I was pushed to the ground and my door was closed, leaving only the window to look through. But instead, I just cried. I cried and I sobbed and I balled. Martha was the closest friends I’d ever had and she was gone. I couldn’t ever hug her either…

I got onto my bed and hugged my knees, watching the wall. I didn’t realise that this would happen so quickly. Everything was going so well as well. I was finally figuring out a way to date Veronica without germs, THANKS TO MARTHA, and then she died! I don’t think my emotions could handle it because I do remember crying for the next hour on my bed and I remember someone’s arms around me before I fell asleep.

I woke up about three hours. Tragically, I was ready to text Martha. A smile spread across my face before I remembered the events of earlier and put my phone down, crying a little again. I had so many photos of Martha and I together, it’s not even funny.

I can think of so many good memories we had together and how happy we were, even with our diseases… I miss her so much already. I almost feel cursed that she left me but at least, now, I know that she’s probably much healthier and happier in heaven. And that she’s happy.

I was thinking, just staring at the blank wall, for so long I didn’t notice two things slipped under the door. One said ‘read first’ and the other was blank. I looked at the first letter and shook my head, not sure if I wanted to read a letter that I knew was from Veronica right now. I love her, I really do, except it would mean thinking about our date last night and how I thought Martha was just asleep when she was actually dead. But I opened the letter anyway.

_Dear JD,  
So, I’ve been staring at this blank page for so long and I don’t really know what to say. All of this has become a shock for both of us, more for you, and I can’t think what to write in this letter. I don’t want you to keep crying. I walked past and saw you crying and I also saw you asleep and your face tear-stained and I felt really sorry for you._

_I’m really, truly sorry that you could never hug Martha. That probably hurts you a lot. I mean, I couldn’t either, but that doesn’t mean I have an excuse to be sad. Only you do._

_I mean, we’re all limited to do things. And I know what you would say. ‘Veronica, you’re too good for me. Just leave’. But that’s not the truth. Look at you. You represent all the courage I don’t have. All the integrity I want. All of the looks I want. We’re both sick and you still look hotter than me. But now it’s up to the both of us to show Martha we love each other. She wanted us to be together. We’re going to make that happen. One way or another._

_Martha told me your mum died and I immediately felt sympathy. But Martha told me all about the letters she wrote you before she died and… JD I really think your mum would be proud of how far you’ve come. She would be clapping from heaven. This is really cheesy but it’s 100% true._

_You were brought into this world for a reason. There’s a reason you had your mum and not mine. There’s a reason why you were cursed with your dad. There’s a reason you became Martha’s best friend. There’s a reason why we’re kept apart but I can’t explain it. I just can’t. I don’t have the answer but, JD, there is a reason. Trust me._

_I can say, confidently, that I don’t want to leave you and, when we die, we may never meet again but a part of me is saying we will. Because so much of me is influenced by you. You’re so brave, conquering Martha’s death, but it will hurt. It’ll hurt for a while. It’ll hurt. The pain won’t go away, it will become stronger. With that, you’ll become a stronger person. She left so much for you to learn, and you will. You’ll get through it. Like with your mum and your dad._

_Blame Martha for getting cancer. Blame her for everything. Nothing will change. It’s happened. But you can get over it. Or conquer it. Whichever you prefer._

_JD, let me just let you know, I love you. No matter how much you feel worthless and depressed without Martha, I’m here. And I want to talk. I want to talk. Only to you. I love you. I want to be with you. Fuck, I even want to kiss you, knowing the risks._

_I hope that this helps. Feel free to throw this away…_

_Oh yeah, almost forgot about the second letter. I recommend just reading it, babe, and you will understand. Okay?  
\- Veronica_

I was crying a lot after I finished the letter and I wiped my eyes. I knew it would hurt but… Veronica was right. So, without wasting a second, I started to read the second letter. But it hurt more.

_JD,  
I know you hate me. I know you blame me. I know. But here’s the thing; I knew I was dying. I wanted you to be happy one last night before I left you. I wanted you to do something for yourself before you die. Cystic Fibrosis is worse than cancer but at least you have a much better chance at living. I miss you already, Jay, but know that I love you._

_Jay, I was a girl. A simple girl. At two, I developed cancer and went to the hospital. Where I met you and befriended you. I’ve managed to live 15 years with leukemia, longer than any doctor could predict. I’m the one who almost conquered leukemia._

_I didn’t want to tell you I was dying because… I knew you’d be worried. I knew that you wouldn’t talk to me because you’d want me to rest but there was no way of getting out of this. The only way was death._

_I want you to remember me as I was. The girl who loved unicorns. The girl who found my way through life, even with leukemia. The girl who got to 17 years old._

_I have gotten so far and I’m gone. But I learnt more with each day. Death got to me, sure, but you still have so long. I know it._

_I will have you in my heart and I hope you have me inside yours because I want you to know that you’ll get through this. You can do it. You can heal your lungs._

_My lips were chapped. I was skinny. I was already dead but I didn’t want you to know. I want you to bury me. Bury me well. I want you to keep this letter. Forever._

_I’m not saying goodbye in words because that would be the hardest part. Losing my best friend of almost my whole life. Now go because I’m dead. Gone. Never to be seen again. Remember me healthy, not sick and skinny. I still want to look sexy in your eyes (because I am)._

_I’ll miss your laugh and making fun of you and making jokes with you. I’ll miss comforting you when your sad, heck, even right now. You’re probably crying now._

_Please, JD, just know that I will always be really proud that I even met you. I was with you through all your surgeries and I will still be there. In your heart._

_I love you. Be yourself._

_Goodbye.  
Martha._

I sobbed harder and put the letter down, bringing my knees to my chest. Martha’s gone. It finally hit me. Oh god she’s gone. And we both never got to see the outside world. I miss her. I love her. Not loved, love. She was the best friend ever.

I miss her. Oh god.

But now, I’m going to see the outside world, with or without her but either way for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I had to try very hard not to cry while listening to sad songs and writing this. It was very hard.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for your support.  
> Heather xoxo


	6. Chapter 6 - The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so long! I really wanted to do it but had serious writer's block! I have a really good idea for the next chapter and this one is, dare I say it, shit so if you hate it, I get it. But the next chapter will be much better I just kinda forced myself through this one. I may come back and edit it but for now... bare with me. I'm sorry.
> 
> -Heather xoxo

Getting out of bed that next morning was really hard. Martha was gone and I couldn’t send her a good morning text. I turned my phone on, anyway, and saw a text from an unknown number.

_Hey JD, it’s Veronica. I know you probably don’t want to text me right now but… I just wanted to say I love you and I’m here whenever you want to talk._

I smiled a bit, an idea popping into my head. Veronica was the love of my life but I knew that she would do anything to cheer me up because of how sad I was. So, I replied to her text, knowing she would like a reply.

_Hey babe. Thanks for that text- it means a lot._

No… That text was written weirdly.

_Greetings and Salutations, darling. Thank you for that text, it means a lot that you care. I love you too. I actually have an idea… Join in?_

I sent the text and waited. Within roughly two minutes I receive the perfect reply.

_Tell me 😉_

I smiled at the reply and texted the plan. Basically, we were going to escape the hospital at midnight and then go to a clearing in Central Park to look at the stars because all the lights are turned off at that time (I know from experience) and to see them. Martha always wanted to see them because she was never released from the hospital once she got trapped here but I was. I never saw them either but we would’ve seen them together. So, I’d go and see them with Veronica because she replied that she would do it with me.

I smiled softly, not knowing whether I should be happy or not. A reply came through saying ‘meet me in five minutes in the lobby’ and I smiled, getting up.

Five minutes later, I was facing the love of my life in the cafeteria, smiling dorkily at her. She was so pretty that night. And was going to help me with my plan. Or so I thought.

“Wow… Veronica… You look really beautiful…” I smiled as I admired her, looking at her perfectly done makeup and the cute jeans and t-shirt she was wearing.

“Thanks babe. You look good yourself.” I saw her blush a little under all of her makeup and smiled a bit bigger.

“Ready for the plan?” I asked, slightly excited. She sighed softly.

“Baby, about that… We can’t.” I swear my heart stopped. “I’m sorry but it’s too dangerous. It’s snowing and… not good at all out there. We can’t and we shouldn’t.” I saw the regret and pain in her eyes but I got mad. I wanted to tis for Martha. Not her.

“I want to do this for my best friend! I’ve been lied to so much!” I put on a high-pitched voice for the next bit. “‘Oh JD! You’re so brave! You’re doing so well honey! Aw yeah, I’ll go out with you! Hey, let’s kiss- oh wait I have a boyfriend sorry! It’s not like you’re not attractive or anything! Oh yes I’ll help you with your best friend-’ Oh wait. I WON’T!!” I yelled at her. MY voice went back to normal and, ignoring the shock on her face, continued. “But you know what? My favourite lie you told me… My favourite lie is when you told me you loved me!” I growled, tears streaming down my face. Veronica looked just as sad and reached a hand out, helplessly.

“JD…”

But she barely finished my name before I had disappeared.


	7. Taking What I Want Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he takes it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to write! Had exams and stuff but things should be out more often now!
> 
> Also, this chapter is 10x better than the last one so I really hope you enjoy reading it! xoxo

I walked into my room and whipped my hand across the frames that held pictures of my favourite memories that I wouldn’t be able to recreate because Martha was dead and I was too fucking sick to do anything else. So, I growled and flopped on my bed, letting the tears finally stream down my face properly.

Karen, nurse who I’ve mentioned before, came in and looked at me.

“Jay, honey, are you okay? You want me to call your parents?” she asked softly, looking at me, clearly feeling sympathy for me. I sat up abruptly and glared at her.

“No, Karen, I am not okay! My best friend just died, I can’t kiss or even TOUCH my girlfriend, my parents are planning a divorce and I don’t have any friends! So, Karen, just in case you didn’t understand before, I am not okay!” I yelled, mad. The tears kept streaming down my face but I barely noticed them through the anger that was filling me up inside.

“JD…”

“No! Don’t you DARE say my name! You can’t do anything to help me! I’m going to die soon and we both know it! We both know I’m going to die so I may as well kill myself!” I was watching her face throughout my shouting and she looked shocked and sad at what I was saying but I didn’t stop myself. I was too mad. “This stupid disease has taken so much away from me and I don’t get anything in return and I’m fucking done! I’m so over it! So, you know what? I’m taking one foot back whether you like it or not! Six feet? Nope. Five feet.” I stood up and walked up to Karen, looking into her eyes. “Have a good day, Karen. I’m sure there’s patients that need you that you can save from death,” I spat before storming away. She didn’t even bother trying to stop me which was a good choice.

An hour later, I found myself sitting in the cold, dark night, feeling the soft breeze on my face, watching the city lights.

I sighed softly, wishing Martha was here. I missed her. But at least she was cancer-free in heaven. I pulled my cloak closer and just thought for a bit when a voice broke through my thoughts.

“Hey JD…” Veronica.

I turned around and looked at her.

“What do you want?” I asked, voice broken a little bit from all my crying.

“Just to make sure you’re okay. Can I sit with you? Five feet apart this time?” she asked, smiling a bit at me. I wasn’t even a little bit mad she had heard me when I was shouting earlier, because if I’m being completely honest, there was a tiny part of me that had wanted her to hear.

I nodded and reached out, not getting too close to her, to hold her hand. She was about to but hesitated before noticing my glove and holding it back, looking at the lights. Although we were holding hands while being as far apart from each other than we could be, we both felt at peace and happy. I sighed softly and squeezed her hand gently.

“Those lights are as beautiful as you… And I’m not saying that because it’s cheesy but because it’s true.” I watched her face as she turned to me. She teared up, making her eyes shine, and half her face was lit up by the lights, the other side completely dark. She smiled a little and squeezed my hand, her breathtakingly beautiful face looking more beautiful than ever.

She nodded and took me inside. We stayed up a few more hours, just laughing and talking until we both fell asleep on different couches. But before we fell asleep, we had a small conversation.

“JD, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.” I rolled onto my side to look at her. She was staring at the roof, clearly thinking hard. It took all I had not to take her into my arms and kiss her as passionately as I could, even though I really wanted to.

“Are you still going to see the lights tomorrow?” She looked at me and a smile played on her lips when she noticed me looking at her, small dimples appearing.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Can I come?”

“Yes. Yes you can.” I smiled at her and she smiled back, dimples fully appearing. I kissed her finger before watching her closing her eyes, closing mine as well.

“Hey, V?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too…” she muttered, sleep taking her.

I smiled and let sleep take me as well. I hadn’t been this happy in an unbelievably long time.


	8. Chapter 8 - Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shaboom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes are at the end xoxo

I trudged through the snow, hands buried deep in my pockets, lost in my thoughts. Veronica trailed behind me, making a trail with a stick. I looked at the trail and saw she had drawn a tree when we had sat down, around half an hour ago, and then this was the trunk. I smiled a little and pulled my scarf to cover my mouth, continuing to walk towards the city where the lights were.

Tiring as it was, it was worth to do this just for Martha. We would’ve done this together, we’d been planning our escape for ages but, sadly, we couldn’t. She really was the closest friend I could probably ever have.

Sighing, I walked until I felt my phone buzz. Veronica obviously heard it as well because she immediately looked up from the ground and stared at my pocket. I took my phone out and checked what it said. You know, my parents said they’d never leave me. They said they’d stay by my side. But, apparently, they were going to the hospital to see how I was doing, for once in their lives, but they’d got into a car crash. And now they were dead.

Meanwhile, a seventeen-year-old, with all of the same physiques as me, had come in with new lungs that would keep me living. That could give me a normal life… with Veronica…

I growled and shoved the phone in my pocket, suddenly having a spark of energy and I walked, more determined than ever, to reach the city. I was practically running, tears streaming down my face.

Of course, all the people I loved had to die. They all had to go and FUCKING LEAVE ME!! THEY ALL JUST GO AND DIE AND LEAVE ME ALONE AND IM WEAK AND GOING TO DIE SOON MYSELF SO I MAY AS WELL!!! I DON’T EVEN CARE IF IM EIGHTEEN AND CAN LIVE BY MYSELF ANYWAY, I WOULD AT LEAST STAY WITH THEM!!!

My anger consumed me and I screamed angrily. A hand touched my shoulder and I immediately shoved the person to the ground harshly, too angry to care. I glared at them and realised it was Veronica. And she had now gone unconscious because of me.

“Shit! Shit shit shit! Veronica I am SO sorry I didn’t- oh fuck oh shit!” I wiped my eyes trying to focus. “Oh my god I need to save… I need to save her…. But how…” I watched her. Thoughts flew across my mind but I didn’t take time to linger them. I needed to save Veronica. I needed her to be alive and safe. I sighed and put my mouth to hers, breathing into her mouth, giving her air to breathe. Not the most convenient option but our only one. I pulled away to see if she would breath and after a second she spluttered and I smiled with relief, picking my phone up and calling Karen.

“Karen?”

“Jason?! Oh, thank god you’re okay! Where are you?!” she practically yelled. I smiled a little but that quickly faded before I realised why I was calling.

“Karen, listen to me for a second, okay? Veronica is here, with me, but she… she tripped and can barely breathe and we need an ambulance. I don’t care what my parents would say if they were alive, give her the spare lungs. She deserves to fucking live.” I was surprisingly calm. Karen replied and I spoke to her, telling her where we were, before hanging up and holding Veronica’s hand.

“Beautiful baby girl, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.” I held her hand and she nodded at my words, breathing starting to even out and she was calming but it was still faltering a bit. I stroked the back of her hand softly and felt her squeeze it. “I’m so sorry for pushing you… I didn’t realise…” I whispered to her and she reached up, wiping my tears and shaking her head at me.

“I love you…” she whispered. I smiled and kissed her lips softly, causing a gasp to escape her lips and I thumbed her bottom lip when I pulled away.

“I love you too… You don’t need to worry, I kissed you to wake you up…” She smiled a bit and I smiled back, admiring her. “You are so beautiful…” She blushed a little and I smiled more.

In this moment, all I was filled with was love for the beautiful girl in front of me. I forgot that we shouldn’t be touching and I held her close to me, fingers tracing the few bits of bare skin she had, the other hand caressing her cheek as her eyes closed and I watched her chest rise and fall in small, even as they can be breaths.

In this moment, I felt loved. I felt safe. I felt free. I felt like a seventeen-year-old, almost eighteen-year-old. I felt like a caring boyfriend. I felt as if we were just on a date and I was holding my girlfriend and we would go home and get hot chocolates and watch movies with me holding her. The imagination held me and I felt warm. I felt happy, for once in my life.

I kissed her forehead and that’s when I snapped out of whatever trance I was in. The sirens sounded and I stood up, lifting Veronica. She was barely awake and I tried to stay calm, keeping an eye on her breathing. Her chest was still slowly rising and falling which made me relax a bit.

The rest was a blur. Paramedics came and took Veronica from me and Karen ran out and hugged me. I was screaming and crying, wanting Veronica back. I didn’t trust them and even if I managed to see the subtle rise and fall of her chest, that would’ve relaxed me, but they didn’t want me to see her at all.

Karen drove me back to the hospital and when we arrived, I immediately ran to Veronica’s room, Karen in tow. She was unconscious and on life support while the doctors prepped her for the surgery.

I then started to cry. It finally hit me that I could’ve killed her and that my parents had died. That no one I loved was alive and could comfort me right now. Before I knew it I had gone black. I woke up in flashes, seeing the lights and seeing Karen running along with my bed being wheeled to my room so they could steady me. I smiled a little.

I couldn’t feel any parts of my body. Everything had gone numb. Tears streamed down my face. I wasn’t paralysed, that’s what Karen told me, but I was definitely not oving or able to move. My breathing got fainter, the lights went dark, all sounds disappeared and… well, then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hello! I am BACK with a NEW CHAPTERRRRR!!!  
> I really apologise for this taking so long but I PROMISE it was WORTH IT!!!  
> My sister's graduation was great so now she's in the Navy AND all my assignments are done so it's the holidays on Friday so no school for like three weeks yay!!!  
> So the wait doesn't happen as long again because I may or may not get writer's block, I have planned out the last chapters THOROUGHLY so it will forever be beautiful and you guys can look forward to it. I really hope you enjoy this chapter because I spent a good couple hours on it (though it's barely three pages) so yeah.  
> Thank you for your endless support - I really appreciate it!!!!
> 
> Thank you, again, for being amazing!!!
> 
> Lots of love, Heather xoxo


	9. Chapter 9 - Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i'm rlly bad at writing long chapters, especially ones like this, so I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Veronica was the most beautiful girl I had ever met. Her brown eyes were always full of life, love and intelligence… I was genuinely jealous. She was so ready to face whatever challenges life threw at her and this one… well, this one just happened to be the biggest one. But there was a little part of me that knew she would be okay. That she would fight this disease and be over.

The world seems to stop when I think about her. The world pauses. And then all I see and all I smell and all I can feel is… her. All her. She is my world and nothing will change that, whether we have cystic fibrosis or not.

Before I met her, I thought that love wasn’t for me. It was something I knew existed, I knew everyone would have it at some point but I assumed, me being me, I would never have it. It was something that they had in movies, tv shows, books, plays… it was a wish, never real. 

And then I met her and I knew… I knew that love really could be for me. It was almost like I could reach out and grab it and hold it and never let it go because I knew her. It wasn’t a wish anymore; it was a reality. And while I thought I could reach out and touch it… until I remembered. Remembered that I couldn’t feel her warm touch, her soft skin, the brush of her hair next to my cheek. It would never be proper love it would never be the true love they have in movies. That love was bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Because I’ll never have it. Because she’ll never have it. Because we won’t have it and if we do, we won’t have it together. We won’t be able to make a life together or get drunk together because we’re not normal teenagers! We’re sick! And we’re going to die – Veronica almost did, which was my fucking fault!

And I know, its dumb writing this down but I don’t want to tell anyone else because then theyd give me advice and, right now, I don’t want advice I just want to get my feelings out.

“Jason…? JD?” I looked towards the source of the noise and saw it was Karen. My shoulders visibly sunk and I nodded softly at her as she came in.

“Bad news?”

“Actually… no. Good news.” I raised an eyebrow and she smiled at me, winking. “So, while you’ve been… well, writing this whole time, I’ve been helping the other doctors take care of Veronica.” At the sound of her name, I paid full attention and my shoulders rose a bit. “The surgery was a success and she’s clear from the disease…” I sighed a little.

“But?”

“But, she’s in a medically induced coma. We don’t know for how long, but she will wake up. We’re ninety-nine percent sure she’s clear of the disease but the one percent is the catch. If she does get it again, we could get rid of that. Apart from that, she’s really healthy and you two could most likely kiss without worrying about killing each other meaning… you can see her!” Karen grinned at me and I immediately jumped up and hugged her as tightly as possible.

“Thank you!” I kissed her forehead and ran towards the room but not before seeing her wipe her forehead and laugh a little.

I got to the room and stopped short in the doorway. Her eyes were shut but she was still the most beautiful thing in this world. Her chest moved up and down steadily, the heart monitor beeping as steadily, her lips in a small smile and her hair messy but in a cute way. I smiled a little and sat next to her, taking her smaller hand in mine and feeling the warmth.

“Hey Veronica… I know you’re- well, you’re unconscious and you probably can’t hear me but…. I know you can. Anyway, I just wanted to say that, when you wake up, we can go on a date because you’re clear of the disease. Healthy. And yeah, I do have the tiniest bit of regret of giving the new lungs to you, but it is worth it to know you’re completely healthy and that we can touch without the worry of killing each other.” I gently rubbed my thumb along her hand.

“Oh, also, I uh got something for you…” I reached into my pocket and got a ring box out and put the ring on her pointer finger instead of ring finger. “Yeah, I know we’re seventeen but, back in the old days, they gave people things called ‘promise rings’, which you probably knew because you’re smart, and so I got one for you to show how much I adore you and how I will never leave you. I will marry you one day if…. If I don’t leave before we’re old enough.” I kissed her hand and stood up.

“Anyhow, I have to go now.” I leant down and kissed her softly on the lips. “I’ll see you later, beautiful girl.” I smiled and walked out, as happy as I could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! It is the holidays MEANING I have more time to write and that new book I talked about in my one shots (which is a totally good thing to read if you haven't already ;) ) is being written! I don't know when it will be released, but it will sometime soon probably because I have a three week break.
> 
> The book is coming to an end (in 5 chapters to be precise) so thank you all for your endless support and I hope y'all will keep reading my other stories because this is the first proper good one!
> 
> Also, life update, I found out that barely anyone likes me at school and I sat in the bathrooms to eat at recess and lunch on the last day of school.  
> And we got our reports back - c's in every subject except for Health/PE (Which I got a D in) and English, Music and Maths I think it was (where I got a B) so... yeah.  
> I am more flat but it's also probably because I am really tired but I won't let my mental health distract me from at least trying to be happy so don't be too mean. I'd like to say I'm fine but, honestly, I'm not. But don't worry it'll probably pass.... eventually.
> 
> Finally, I'm going to Lord Howe Island from Monday to 5pm Friday (probs get back at like 6pm) so I'll try and release a chapter on Saturday but no promises, it may be Sunday. 
> 
> Hope you guys have a nice day/night/afternoon/morning or whatever because, just because I may not have one, doesn't mean you can't.
> 
> Love y'all and thank you,  
> Heather xoxo (really sorry for the rant- kinda needed to get it out to people I don't know)


	10. Update

I am so sorry I haven't posted in so long! I've had rlly bad writer's block and I think I'm losing motivation for this story but it's almost finished so I'm thriving............................... and I've been relaxing a lot in a very delayed, well-needed break from school so... yeah. I am seriously sorry!

I may post tomorrow or the day after but no promises- I am actually so sorry I feel really bad :(

Also my right eye is swollen so that's fun lol

Again, really sorry I haven't been posting but a new chapter WILL for a FACT be out soon

I love you guys and thanks for being so patient xx 

-Heather xoxo


	11. Chapter 10 - Wake

I sat outside Veronica’s room all night and all day. I even slept outside her room. No one really minded as long as I did sleep for at least two hours (which I did) and I mostly listened to music or listened to her heart monitor or played single player card games.

Staying outside her room, I realised how much I loved her because most people wouldn’t do that for their girlfriend 24/7 like me or at all but I did because I really wanted her to be okay. She already had bad lungs which had miraculously been replaced but now she has to wake up. She has to wake up and be okay. If she doesn’t…. well, I don’t know what I will do but I know it won’t be pretty.

I sighed and focused on the game of solitaire that was in front of me and rested my head in my right hand while playing with my left, not really wanting to play anymore but I wasn’t going to leave my spot until Veronica wake up even if it kills me. Even if I’m here for years. I’m not leaving.

While I was playing my sixteenth round of solitaire, Karen walked to the room followed by Veronica’s parents. They went in and I pressed my ear against the wall, listening to the soft chatting when a voice broke through the chatting.

“Mum? …Dad?” The voice got choked up and they may’ve hugged but I don’t know because it just went silent before Mrs. Sawyer spoke.

“Oh my gosh… Veronica are you okay? How are you feeling?” A smile broke out on my face and I grinned wildly, still listening to the conversation. Veronica, my beautiful girlfriend, had finally woken up. And her beautiful face appeared in my mind, making me grin wildly. I could hear her sit up slowly and let out a groan in pain.

“A little in pain… but mostly okay. The pain is understandable.” Typical thing for her to say. “Where’s… Where’s JD?” she asked. I teared up a little, hurt I couldn’t see her yet but I understood why.

“He’s in his room, darling. He can’t see you just yet. Maybe later today… It’s really up to the doctors,” her mother replied, sounding genuinely sorry. I peeked behind the door to see Veronica and saw her face fall, looking sad, and sinking a bit and had to resist running in and cuddling her and kissing her.

“Oh… okay. I guess I’ll wait…” She continued to talk to her parents and I watched her. She looked a little bit pale but she definitely seemed healthier. I wiped my eyes gently, trying to hold my tears back, smiling at her. I really wanted her. And let me tell you, it was really hard being seventeen with a girlfriend and knowing that you haven’t kissed her properly.

I watched her for an hour before realising I fell asleep because I woke up and the sun was setting outside the window. I peeked in Veronica’s room and saw her fast asleep. Karen came behind me and looked at her as well.

“She’s healthy enough. You can go and sit with her for a bit if you want, hun.” I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. I went into the room and held Veronica’s hand, releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding when I felt its warmth.

“Will she be okay?” I spoke softly, not wanting to wake her.

“She should be. She’s all clear. She’s a fighter, Jay, she’ll be good.” I nodded and just held her hand, looking into her face. She looked so peaceful and she still managed to look like the most beautiful woman in the world. I smiled a little and tucked a piece of her hair and watched her sleep.

She really needed this sleep so I let her sleep for as long as possible, holding her hand while I ate and read and did anything to entertain myself. I felt really comforted just by her touch so I felt happy. Then I got up and pulled Mr and Mrs Sawyer and Karen into a room.

“Veronica likes the city lights, right?” I asked. Her parents nodded, completely confused, just like you. “What if we set up lights throughout the whole hospital just for her and she wandered through them and, once she reached the end of the path, she saw me and I proposed?”

“See, usually in this situation I would say ‘you’re seventeen- too young!’ but you’re eighteen, she’s almost eighteen and neither of you have the right education to go to proper university, no offence, meaning you may not find love and I know that you both love each other a lot… so yes. I agree.” Mrs Sawyer smiled at me and so did Mr Sawyer. Karen smirked and went to get the lights.

Our plan was in motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ABSOLUTELY SO SORRY  
> excuse list:  
> \- ive been rlly sad lately  
> \- lost motivation for the book
> 
> I am srsly rlly sorry but this book is almost finished and I've lost motivation. I will try my best to do it but... CELEBRATION ANOTHER CHAPTER!!! it's shitty but whatever. I will finish this story but it'll get shittier but I might rewrite it in future so it's better.
> 
> anyway, hope your days are great, I missed you all, thank you for your support, and i'll ttyl


	12. Announcement/Apology

Alright so... hello. I really hoped it wouldn't reach this point but... it did.

I am really sorry for not completing this story but I don't think I can. I have completely lost motivation and I just don't want to- especially because this is literally just based off Five Feet Apart and no originality.

I'm here to apologise because I'm not finishing this book meaning that chapter was the final chapter that i'm writing.

Some good news, however, is that I am going to be writing other stories so look forward to those but I have to memorise a whole 4 pages for my drama exam, word by word, for next month or maybe the end of this month so... yeah. But those stories are going to be coming out and i'm going to try and keep it consistent.

Also, my bday was on the 4th of Oct so now I am a year older- I survived another year ayyyy

So yeah. Sorry but thank you for your support and please don't hate me bc I have good ideas for the other stories.

Heather, over and out for the last time for this story. xoxo


End file.
